With week 1 now officially in the books, your friendly neighborhood league co-commissioner is here to give you the rundown on what has happened in this opening week of the 2016/2017 LAPD season.
Real life notes:
- How about my Raiders, huh? All y’all were talkin that shit, but I didn’t hear anyone saying anything when my man Derek Carr perfectly threw that fade to Crabtree.
- Lol, I’m sorry Charger fans. Your guys’ season has already ended. However, Chelsea, you now have a top 10 RB in Danny Woodhead. Congrats.
- Damnit, why are the Patriots so fucking good? Garappolo looked like a fucking G out there, and according to analysis the Patriots didn’t even have to change their offense for him. Wow
- Aj Green made Revis look like a fucking chump. Granted, the touchdown was not Revis’ fault; the other 11 catches for 120something yards were.
- What the fuck was the Redskins plan with Antonio Brown? “Hmm, we just paid this amazing cornerback $75million to join our team. One of the best CBs in the league. We’re going against the best WR in the league? Let’s just play it by the matchups on the field”. Why wouldn’t you have Josh Norman shadowing him the entire night? I hate you Joe Barry
- Aaron Rodgers is a God. No one should be able to complete this pass, well alone get it out. Oh, and Jalen Ramsey saying “he didn’t throw it my way.” He didn’t have to, especially when he complete that pass with you hanging off his jersey. That’s 2 time MVP, Superbowl Champion, 5 time pro bowl, and Superbowl MVP Aaron Rodgers to you, bud.
Alright, enough with the actual recap. Let’s get into the stuff that really matters. The weekly matchups.
Joey VS Josh D
This game actually ended up being a LOT closer than it should have been, and Joey can thank Josh for leaving 82 points on the bench. Without Gronk or Brady, Joey put up a respectable 109 points…But even with Josh losing 2nd round pick Keenan Allen for the year; he was able to cruise to victory. Granted you (Joey) really fucked up by leaving Ameer Abdullah on the bench for Jonathan Stewart; if you had looked at the matchups (Denver defense vs Indianapolis defense) I would pick to run against Indy everytime. You could’ve won.
Joey Max Possible Score: 135.16
Josh Max Possible Score: 154
Aryan VS Nicole
Finally taking the helm of her own team, Nicole has started the season strong against the Bill Belichick of this league. Everyone on my fucking team won their game this week, and yet they still weren’t able to give me enough points to win my game (assholes). However, without LeVeon Bell, Josh Gordon, and Chris Ivory, I almost squeaked out a win (and if the Redskins actually played defense, I would have won). My draft grade for you still stands.
Aryan Max Possible Score: 139.96
Nicole Max Possible Score: 160.02 (Highest of the week, actually)
Drew VS Chris
The newest newcomer to the league, Chris has started off with a bang against Sophomore Drew. The recipient of the “apparently Revis Island isn’t a thing anymore” week, Chris’ lowest scoring player was actually his defense…and he still had 67 points left over on the bench. Drew…on the other hand…left the fabulous Willie Snead on the bench while starting Devonta “Apparently I’m in a timeshare now” Freeman, Demaryius “God I miss Peyton Manning” Thomas, and Gary “Thank God RG3 is hurt” Barnidge. For the record, Drew’s bench scored more than his starters…lol (81 points for starters vs 98 for the bench).
Drew Max Possible Score: 131.34
Chris Max Possible Score: 144.36
Josh T VS Itai
This game went down something like this:’
The other newcomer got off to a hell of a start, thinking CJ’s Thursday Night performance was going to be enough to get him over the top. But, as Josh said, “It’s not over until it’s over”; and with 67 points coming on Monday night he was able to get himself over the top. Lesson here, folks? Don’t talk shit until you know you’re gonna win.
Josh Max Possible Score: 154 (but you would’ve had to have benched OBJ, lol)
Itai Max Possible Score: 137.48 (no change)
Brad VS Rachel
Notorious BIG over here (I’m going…going…back….back…to Cali…Cali) had the unfortunate matchup of the week, going against Drew Brees (#2 QB) and Brandon Cooks (#2 WR). However, Rachel, you had to have noticed that those 2 players combined for 61% of your total points…right? In fact, Drew Brees scored more points than….both of your running backs, tight end, flex, kicker, and defense…..combined. You just got lucky that it did the same thing to Brad. Good win, but that’s not gonna happen every week.
Brad Max Possible Score: 104.54
Rachel Max Possible Score: 141.52 (but you would’ve had to have benched Gurley, lol)
Chelsea VS Keith
Chelsea (best overall record in the league), vs Keith (reigning champion) is the type of matchup people dream of in week 1. And this one proved to be a nail biter all the way to the end, with Chelsea only winning by 4 points. Dez Bryant did horrible (I told you), but Danny Woodhead is going to give you 15-20 points every week from here on out. Keith, on the other hand, was only in this because of Luck’s amazing performance (#1 QB). In fact, Luck was responsible for 49% of your points. More than your WRs, RBs, TE, Flex, and kicker…combined. In fact, outside of Luck, only your defense scored in double digits. Uh oh.
Chelsea Max Possible Score: 118.56
Keith Max Possible Score: 116.3