Unofficially Official 2016 Draft Grades


This weekend’s count:

  • 4 Handles
  • 100’s? of beers
  • 7 Pizzas
  • Hella sandwiches
  • 3 Hall twerkers
  • 23 Jake heart-to-heart convos
  • 1 Jake hangover
  • 15 Rounds of drafting

Not bad for a few days of dope shit. But now the moment you guys have all been really waiting for, your draft grades for the 2016 LAPD draft. Now, before you rip me apart for having different grades than Yahoo, please note that Joey is a lazy ass and didn’t put in the correct draft order, or pick order. Because of this, Yahoo is rating your draft based on what was submitted, not what actually happened.

Also, if you would like to read last year’s draft grades, go to:


Without further ado, let’s hop into things shall we?


#1: Rachel | Draft Grade: B-

Rachel’s reaction every time she walked up to the draft board

There’s a lot to like with this team, but I think there’s an equal amount to not like. I’m actually a fan of Gurley at #1 overall and think he should have a great season, and Drew Brees at the bottom of the 4th is a steal (he’ll be a top 3 QB by the time the season is over). It was smart to grab Coby Fleener and Brandin Cooks to capitalize on your Brees pick, but it’s a little scary being so Saints-heavy on your team; and anytime they’re not playing at home may cause you to continually bang your head against a wall. I’m not a fan of Doug Martin, regardless of where his draft position is; and taking Justin Tucker in the 10th round was a waste of a pick (especially with so much quality depth still around at that time). Matt Jones ain’t a pretty pick, but he should give you plenty of carries and headaches while you try to figure out if you should start him or Doug Martin.


#2: Nicole | Draft Grade: D

Nicole’s reaction when I told her what her grade would be

I upped it a little bit from the D- I gave you, but most of my points still stand. Antonio Brown was a no brainer pick and will be the #1 receiver in fantasy this year; and as long as Alshon Jeffrey is healthy he’ll continually bring in points for you. But Antonio Gates in the 4th round was the beginning of your downfall (you could’ve had him in the 7th) with so much talent still remaining on the board. DeMarco Murray is an even bigger question mark this year than he was last year, and reports say he may lose the starting job sooner rather than later (Justin Forsett too). Stephen Gostkowski in the 9th is an even worse pick than Rachel’s Justin Tucker in the 10th (you probably should’ve taken Derrick Henry or Kevin White there to handcuff DeMarco and Alshon). I think your 11th round pick, Zach Miller, might actually end the season with more points than Antonio Gates; and Mike Wallace might actually surprise some people. But overall, you missed out on a lot of talent by reaching; and that will hurt you as the season progresses.


#3: Josh T | Draft Grade: B+

My face when Josh actually had a good draft

Honestly, outside of your 5th round pick, I really like what you’ve done with your team. OBJ is..well…OBJ and has proven he can carry a team. Reports out of Buffalo say LeSean Mccoy is looking better than ever and could have a monster year, and if Andrew Luck stays healthy then T.Y Hilton is going to be a stud for you. Greg Olsen is a ppr machine, Big Ben consistently gives you top10 QB points, and Derrick Henry will be the starter in Tennessee sooner or later (not sure if that’s actually a good thing though). I really hate that 5th round pick of DeAngelo Williams, not because you handcuffed my LeVeon, but because you could’ve grabbed him much later (I was looking to take him in the 11th-13th) and you could’ve grabbed Arian Foster instead to give you a solid RB2. Overall, if your RB2 situation can stabilize, then you’ve got yourself a very solid team.


#4: Itai | Draft Grade: C

The face of Itai’s franchise

It’s not that you necessarily made bad picks; you didn’t really reach for anyone, and took best player available. It’s more so that I just hate everyone you drafted. Julio is solid, but Mike Evans is very meh in that Tampa Bay offense. C.J. is coming off a terrible year where he had to split time (granted, Ronnie Hillman is no longer in Denver) and Matt Forte is a huge question mark on his new team. Eli Manning will give you 40 points one week, and 5 points the next week. Julius Thomas is yet to show anything worthwhile in Jacksonville and Giovani Bernard is going to give you headaches with his timeshare. I like that you took Bilal Powell and handcuffed Matt Forte; but overall your team just screams “Meh” at me. Well, not really screams…more like mumbles quietly.


#5: Keith | Draft Grade: C+

A recording of Keith during the draft

Your team is comprised of 7 good picks, and 8 very bad picks. Rounds 1-4 are all very good, solid picks. Round 5 you reached before redeeming yourself in round 6. And then….it was just downhill from there. “Everyone” wants that Seattle defense, but 8th round is way too high and then a kicker in the 10th round seals the deal. Zach Ertz may end the season as a better TE than Delanie and Emmanuel Sanders might be a useless pick in this new Broncos offense. You’ll get your points, and you’ll win some games…but (even though I’m gonna regret this) I don’t think you make playoffs this year bud.


#6: Aryan | Draft Grade: A-

A recording of Aryan during the first 6 rounds

My draft wasn’t perfect, and I made some dumb mistakes in the middle rounds, but come at me suckas. Lamar Miller is in for a career year with Houston, got me the best QB in the league, and 3 #1 wide receivers to go along with it. Nabbing LeVeon Bell at the bottom half of the 2nd was just the icing on the cake. I am slated to lose the first 4 weeks of the season (Bell out till week 4, Gordon out till week 5, Edelman with no Brady until week 5, Jimmy Graham still week-to-week)…but if I can pickup a win or 2 during that time y’all are fuuuuuuuucked. I do wish I took Matt Jones instead of Chris Ivory, and Marvin Jones or Tavon Austin instead of Josh Gordon; but the 1st 6 rounds went perfectly for what I wanted and every player fell into my lap. Aryan’s favorite to win the league is…Aryan.


#7: Josh D | Draft Grade: B-

Josh’s reaction when we told him Tony Romo was injured….and Dion Lewis

Not a bad showing from a guy who tried to draft Tony Romo, then subsequently drafted Dion Lewis. David Johnson looks really good in preseason and will get plenty of carries in that Arizona offense, and Russell Wilson should continue to produce top 7 QB numbers. I do think Keenan Allen at the top of the 2nd is a reach (he’s projected as the #12 WR off the board) but Amari Cooper should produce plenty of numbers and Frank Gore will still get the lion’s share of the carries in Indy. Reports out of Jax have Allen Hurns with mixed results, and TJ Yeldon is a huge question mark with Chris Ivory in town, but you also have 2 solid tight ends and can move one of them for more running back depth. I like Carolina’s defense in the 12th, and even though Dion Lewis is out for 10 weeks at the 13th round it’s not too bad. Overall this team should sneak itself into the playoffs still, but unless Keenan Allen has a career year I can’t see you going over the top.


#8: Brad | Draft Grade: B

Brad’s response when asked how he got such a high grade in the draft

I don’t mind your first 2 picks, I think they’re actually quite good and solid pickups for you. Thomas Rawls should get his fair share of the carries, but Christine Michael is breathing down his neck and that might spell headaches for you. I love the Arian Foster pick, and handcuffing Jay Ajayi with it; but I’m not a huge fan of Carson Palmer that early on…I think you could’ve picked him up 1 or 2 rounds later and got more running back depth (Frank Gore, Melvin Gordon, Chris Ivory, etc). Stefon Diggs has talent but the Vikings passing game is annoying as fuck; and Teddy went down with a knee injury earlier today that could make their passing game even more frustrating. Jason Witten is way over the hump and with Romo out for an extended period of time his value drops even more. James White could be your savior, or he could get 2 carries a game and piss you off (thanks Bill Belichick). I think your strong receiver core carries you into the playoffs though, and if you can get your running back game in order you could be a force to be reckoned with.


#9: Chris | Draft Grade: N/A (C)

Nuff said

The recipient of the auto-draft, Chris was stuck with best player available every time. A.J Green is always solid and without Sanu or Marvin Jones should only see his targets increase, and both Allen Robinson and Cam Newton should produce high end numbers for their positions. But his running backs are pretty suspect and I have a feeling he’s going to be banging his head week-to-week trying to figure out which ones to start.


#10: Drew | Draft Grade: B-

Drew’s reaction when he looks over at his computer and realizes it’s his turn to pick

Ezekiel Elliott looks like the real deal, and with Romo out he should have more than plenty of carries behind that amazing offensive line. Devonta Freeman should still produce RB1 numbers, but I don’t expect him to produce nearly what he did last year (doesn’t necessarily mean he will be bad). DT is a huge question mark with the Bronco’s QB situation, and Jeremy Maclin was part of a team that had 0 touchdowns thrown to receivers for like the first 12 weeks of the season, but they should still produce enough to keep you competitive. Langford is the #1 in Chicago, but has looked really underwhelming thus far and could find himself in a committee soon. Blake Bortles should be pretty solid, but he’s another guy I think you could’ve waited a bit on. I’m not a fan of taking the Denver defense that early, especially with Aqib Talib out for 10 games I think? And although he was your last pick, Karlos Williams ain’t even on a team right now. Solid showing from Drew nevertheless.


#11: Chelsea | Draft Grade: B 

Stephen A Smith’s reaction after you picked your 2nd QB 1 round later

Let me start by saying if you had taken Gronk, or LeVeon with your first pick, you would’ve gotten a B+. Dez is elite, but with Romo out for most of the season he’ll be very limited. Jamaal Charles on the other hand, could be your best pick and if he can stay healthy will give you great numbers. I really like Randall Cobb in the 3rd, especially in our ppr format, but Jordan Reed in the 4th is quite the reach. I think you would’ve been better off taking a RB there to solidify your RB2 situation. Fitz is a tossup this season, could be great or horrendous; but Woodhead is going to be great and probably your flex for most of the season (trust). I think one of your worst decisions was taking Kirk Cousins, then 2 rounds later taking another QB…you can only play 1 QB per week. NE Defense is consistently underrated and they’ll be solid for you; and with DeMarco Murray out Darren Sproles might help you out more than you think. Lots of solid players, but a few costly mistakes thrown amongst them.


#12: Joey | Draft Grade: C+

Joey’s reaction reading this review

Your team is slated to lose the first 4 weeks as well, with Brady out and Gronk being hindered by QB play, but your starters are pretty solid. Unfortunately, you have very little depth past that. Carlos Hyde is on the Niners and there’s no say on what he’ll accomplish, and everyone from your 7th pick down is either in a time share (Ameer Abdullah, DeSean Jackson, Martellus Bennett) or on a poor passing team (Tavon Austin). Jordy is a great player, and he looks nice coming off of his injury and Doug Baldwin might actually be the #1 WR in Seattle. When Tom Brady comes back, I think him and Gronk can help you win a decent amount of games; but if any of your starters get injured you don’t really have much to replace them with.

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